Possible: What if I was wrong???

Is it possible I was wrong?

These past three days, that question was lurking in my subconscious.

Oh, when I started off on my high horse, breathing out threats and what I was going to do about the situation, I was fully confident I was right. In fact, I kind of enjoyed the thrill of action and standing up for my religion. Surely God is happy I'm doing this for Him and will bless me. I'm just rooting out those who are disobedient to the law! 

But now ... lying here in the dark, just me and God, I see things differently. I'd been tamping down that small annoying voice that had been there for months. 

How humiliating! It's all I could think about at first. To be struck down in such a visible way in front of my companions. To become helpless like a baby and have to be led by the hand to our destination.

I just wanted to hide from everybody. I asked for a room for myself and refused any food or drink. I didn't want any physical comforts - I needed solitude. Just me and God. When a man's world has just been shaken to the core, he has to have time to get his bearings.

Blind! What am I going to do? How am I going to function as a blind man? Oh, God! Is it going to come to the place that I shall have to seek alms from people as they go to temple?

I thought You had called me to be a teacher - one of those that people came to the temple to hear. How is it possible that instead I'm going to be kept outside the temple like damaged goods, dependent of the kindness of others?

Deep soul-wrenching sobs consume me ... all right, I admit it. I deserve what's happened.

I used to be proud of all the blessings I'd received. Born into a prestigious family, having a bloodline that was considered pure in our nation, yet also being a Roman citizen, receiving the finest teaching, being accepted into the Sanhedrin as an up-and-coming Pharisaical leader. None of which I'd accomplished for myself - well, maybe except for that last one - all the other things was just because of who my parents were.

But when Jesus appeared to me in that blinding light, I was horrified to learn I'd devoted my life to a lie. It's not like I hadn't had opportunity to learn the truth. I'd been part of the Sanhedrin. I knew all about Jesus. Also, I'd heard from Stephen what the truth was. I was right there and heard everything he said just before the stones flew at him. I mean, I even heard him ask the Father to not charge the people with the sin of killing him!

No normal person would do that. 

I think that bothered me more than anything. Remembering Stephen's final moments pricked my conscious almost continually. It seemed like the only way to shut out those thoughts was to think other ones. Thoughts of revenge against those people who'd messed up my tidy little life I'd planned. Those followers of Jesus who were stirring up trouble. Maybe if I flushed out all those radicals and got them either to recant, or got them out of the way, maybe then life would go back to normal.

Now, things will never be normal.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry! Jesus, I should have listened to you! Is it too late for me?

Wait a minute - Jesus told me that day - I remember when I asked Him what I should do, He said, "Go into the city and wait and it will be told to you what you must do."

So now I wait ... hey! I see something! It's kind of like a dream, but there's a man. He's touching me and praying for me. God says his name is Ananias and ... he's going to pray for my sight to return! Can that be possible?

~~~

I'm hoping you recognize this story and realize Saul indeed did receive his eyesight back and became Paul, one of the greatest Apostles who ever lived. It's a wonderful story of redemption; but it only could happen when Saul opened his mind to the possibility of Jesus really being the Son of God. 

Is it possible there is something to which you have closed your mind? Maybe now is the time to do as Saul did, fast and pray and seek the Lord until you find Him. You can read Saul's conversion story in Acts 9. Then keep reading and find out more about this incredible servant of God.

This is post #15 of my "Walk the Walk Christian Living Series," written from the perspective of a recovering perfectionist. You can go here to see the links of each post as they go live.

I'm linking this story to the communities at #Recharge Wednesday and Let's Have Coffee and InstaEncouragements Link-Up. Join us!