Day 26 - Guilt Makes for Sleepless Nights

Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. Revelation 2:5a NIV

About this time, I began to have trouble sleeping. I’d never had any sleeping problems before. I was so exhausted from each day’s activities; my head would hit the pillow and I’d be out like a light.

But now, I’d have strange dreams. Puzzling dreams. I’d wake up in a cold sweat and then toss and turn until the alarm went off.

I felt a lot of guilt over stealing the secretary’s idea. I tried to justify it to myself in a variety of ways just to have it pop up in my brain the next day.

Then, there was this strange guy who began to bother me. Oh, he didn’t do anything to me. It just seemed wherever I was, he’d turn up there too. He would look at me with a clear unflinching gaze seeming to want to say something to me.

Of course, by now I’d learned to act as if others were invisible. It saved me from having to make a lot of small talk. A girl with a mission to become CEO had no time for small talk.

But I could just feel him wanting to talk to me. I didn’t like it one bit!

Worst of all, I started hearing a faint whisper, “Look how far you’ve fallen.” I could drown out that whisper as the day went on but during the bleak hours of the night, it seemed to get louder.

So, I worked harder and harder, got busier and busier, just so I wouldn’t have to listen to that whisper.

Sometimes I’d think to myself, “Something’s got to give. You can’t go on much longer like this.”

Then I had the worst nightmare of all.

I saw the football team on the field all in a huddle. Coach was telling them the next play when suddenly he fell over dead. Shot by a sniper!

Then one by one the players were shot and fell on the ground. I glanced over on the hill expecting to see Bobby Fordham with a gun.

But it was me!

I jerked awake sweating like crazy. “Boy, what a nutty dream!” I sat on the edge of my bed a long time with my head in my hands.

“I can’t go on like this! What am I going to do?”

The alarm went off and I sighed …

“Girl, you’re all you got. No one else to help you pay the bills. You got to get up and go out there and make it happen!”

I got up and dressed carefully. “I better dress for success. A power suit and some Jimmy Choos will make me look good even if I don’t feel it.”

I left my apartment that day looking my best, not realizing it would be a long time, if ever, before I came back.

We are on Day 26 of my serial, Angel on Assignment: The Book of Morgan. Have you ever spent sleepless nights racked by guilt?

If you have missed any of the previous posts, click on the title, "Angel on Assignment" in the upper right hand corner in my side bar. It will take you to a page where you can find all links as they go live.

This serial is not intended to be doctrine. Scripture does tell us angels come to warn, bring messages and sometimes watch over us. It also tells us we could possibly unknowingly entertain an angel. My serial is just me imagining how that might look in our present day and time.

Tomorrow's offering: Come-to-Jesus-Moment

This post was written as part of the Write 31 Days challenge. A whole group of writers will be writing for 31 days straight on a variety of topics. Click here to check it out.

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