Thursday, December 17, 2015

Frozen But Thawing ...

Once, I was really really hurt. Not physically perhaps, although the shock of the hurt was like a bruising blow to the soul.

When something is bruised, we tend to "baby" it. It's a tender place and so nothing is allowed to touch it. Time is needed for healing. In fact, there is a famous saying, "Time heals all wounds." *

A curious thing, though. If you baby an emotional wound long enough, it begins to numb you. Nothing is allowed to touch that tender place - not even love, because when you get right down to it, love caused the wound in the first place. It might have been a lack of love, or an unhealthy love, or maybe it was yourself you loved more than you should. Either way, in your mind, love is responsible.

And so, you can become frozen inside, never allowing the briefest hint of caring to shine its light on your tender place. Life becomes dark. Colorless. 

I was like that once. I had decided that people only cause hurt so I'm just not going to allow anyone in at all. I was safe from hurt, but I noticed there was still pain. Pain of being alone. As time went on, the pain grew and grew and then became joined with despair.

What was the point of it all anyway?

Thank God for You. You didn't allow me to stay in my despair. You kept chip, chip, chipping at my defenses, my hastily erected walls, that I threw up to keep You out. 

"Why won't You just leave me alone?" I mutter to myself angrily. But you didn't seem to notice my attempts to shut you out.

You just showed up, like clockwork, bringing fresh mercy and love with you every morning as Your light shone into all my dark places.

I don't understand You ... why You'd want to mess with me ... but somehow, that dead frozen place inside of me? It feels more alive ... like it's thawing ...

"In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."**

Mama’s Losin’ It

This post was written in response to Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop prompt #6. Write a blog post inspired by the word: frozen.

Have you ever had to Let. It. Go? (I couldn't help myself!) Leave a comment, or link up your own post over at Kat Bouska's blog, Mama's Losin' It.

* Chaucer
** John 1:4-5


ellen b. said...

You described this condition very well. It's so good that God doesn't leave us in despair.

Leah Adams said...

Oh my! That was powerful. Last year I was at a place where I could have allowed a deep emotional wound to consume me...and for a while it did. Yet, the Holy Spirit has brought healing and renewal. I'm so grateful. Lovely post, Jerralea.

betty said...

I've been here with bitterness; still trying to work with God in the healing process and then wondering why it was all worth it in the beginning to get to that spot.