My husband had lost his job. He was at the beginning stages of an illness I had not even heard of or understood. No one I knew had bipolar disorder. (Unfortunately, now I know of many who are afflicted with the disease themselves, or affected by a family member who is bipolar.)
On the same day that my hubby was handed his pink slip, I visited the Birthright clinic to get a free pregnancy test. Yes, we were that broke since Jim had missed so much work.
As I waited for Jim to pick me up, I was excited to be having another baby but worried because I knew Jim's place of employment could not put up forever with him taking so many sick days. Also, I was starting a new job myself in the next few days and wondered how it would all work out. Our daughter was starting kindergarten and Jim's aunt was going to be her babysitter after school. I was already experiencing severe morning sickness. How was I going to cope?
Then my husband shared the news that he was now unemployed. What about insurance? How would we pay for this baby to be born? I wouldn't be earning enough at my new job to pay for everything.
I'm normally a very upbeat person but I began feeling low. Very low. Did God not even notice the trouble I was in? I prayed and prayed but it seemed the heavens were closed to me.
It was winter as I began driving back and forth to work at my new job. I began to notice the deep ditches on either side of the road. Sometimes the roads were slick. I began to think about how easy it would be for my car to slide off the banks of the road ....
No, I could never do that.
But I do understand the despair some go through. I know how it is when you just don't think God notices.
Then I read the King of the Universe not only notices me, but is so intimately attuned to everything about me that He even knows how many hairs are residing on my head at any given moment.
Luke 12:6-7 NKJV
Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Just let that thought sink in. Each of us are so valuable in His sight. He doesn't just notice the talented, the rich and famous, the award-winning celebrities among us, but He sees each creation of His.
If a bird falls to the ground and He sees it, then, of course, He knows what each of us are experiencing.
It's important to remember we walk by faith, not sight. Just because things don't look like all is well doesn't mean it won't work out in the end.
If you could see from the beginning of your trial that everything ends well, what is the value of your faith? Anyone could believe that. However, if you can hold on and trust even during the blackest of nights, you have a faith that will shine like a choice jewel.
A faith, when lifted up to the world, will draw people to Him. Isn't that what every child of God really wants?
Oh, just to let you know, the baby was born, the hospital bill got paid, and everything turned out fine. He was in control, after all!
I'm linking this post to my Fearless series, because He told us not to fear - He notices us.
I'm also linking this post to the #TellHisStory community because my story would be nothing without Him.