Thursday, February 10, 2011

Still Here

I'm still here.

I looked at the date of my last post and saw that it was January 20.  I was really surprised that it has been that long since I had blogged.

At first, I didn't blog because I was so preoccupied with my schedule.  January is the month of Annual Business Meeting at one of my churches, and it always takes up a lot of my time getting ready.  But the meeting has been over for awhile now.

A couple of my sweet friends left me messages to let me know that they noticed I hadn't been blogging.  One said, "Have you given up blogging?  What's wrong?"

I assured them that I was going back to blogging soon.

I began to think about my blog.  What is my mission?  Why do I blog?  I wanted my blog to accomplish two things:  1) leave a record of my life for my family, and 2) I wanted to share insights that the Lord has given me.

I believe in being positive.  I want to be an encourager. I try always to put things in my blog post that lift up a person's spirits. I love to share thought-provoking quotes and scriptures.

I rarely, if ever, share negative stuff. However, if blogging truly means sharing life with a community, then sometimes I need to share the bad.  The messy stuff of life is something we all, at some point, have to face.

Perhaps what I share might help someone to know they are not alone, others go through challenging and difficult times as well.  And maybe, just maybe, someone out there will have good advice for ME. We are all in this thing called life, together.

Right after the Annual Business Meeting, about the time I had a blog post ready to publish that I was excited about, "The Opposite Life," I came under a vicious attack from the enemy.  I really should have seen it coming, but I was blindsided.

Our youngest child one night just decided to leave home. She is 4 months shy of being 18 years old and she was tired of living by our rules. After a couple anxious days, we discovered that she is living with a boyfriend.

You can imagine how devastating this news is to us.  She knows that we believe that living together is a sinful lifestyle that is not pleasing to God.

I know that we are not the first parents to have a child reject all their teaching. I also know the Bible teaches that if you train up a child right, in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it.  It's that span of time, between the training and when he is old, that bothers me.

I do know one thing, I have to love her through this, but I can't make it easy for her.  I have to confess that so often through life I have caved in to my kids.  I cannot do that now when the battle lines are so clearly drawn: there is only one lifestyle that God will bless, the life of walking in His commandments and His way.  All other lifestyles lead to destruction.

Please pray for us as we walk through this trial. Pray that we stand firm and look to God for salvation.  Only He can deliver.


Heather said...

Oh Jerralea! I hate to hear that. My children are still very young,but it scares me to think one may stray from the teachings of God. I hate the thought,but I know it can happen. I've had family and friends do it while we were growing up. I will be praying for you and your family. Your daughter knows the truth,I remember doing things against my parents will,but deep down I knew I was wrong. Why did I do it then? Rebellion,wanting to make decisions for myself. I was so foolish,but thank God He spared me from a lot of heartache. *hugs* Love you dear sister.

LISA said...

Praying for you! I have been under a horrible attack, some days I can't find the hope to keep fighting, BUT GOD. Scripture is where I find myself in the wee hours of the morning, and any other part of the day. Like Moses, He will hold you up! I used to wonder how the world lived without God, more recently I find myself asking why? I'm a wreck, but his ways are perfect. Thank you for being real so you can be encouraged. Thank you for all the encouraging you do, be blessed friend.

Karyn said...

My heart breaks for you my friend. Did you know we are in a very simialr situation?

cindy said...

It's understandable why you declined my offer to accept the "stylish award." In fact I chose you as I hadn't heard from you in a while. I wasn't about to ask... but call it womens intuition I was there. For the first time In my life I can honestly say "I know how you feel." I"m sure this has happened to others however it only deeply affects you when it has happened to you.
The only thing I loved about my marriage is my children. It ended when the children were young very young. My mother had was given 4 months to live when the cancer test results had come back. My oldest daughter Jennifer was 3 months from graduating grade 12. Apparently she didn't like living the rules at home and she decided to go live with her dad. They were happy they had a live in housekeeper. This didn't work and she moved into my parents home where my father was a victim of a stroke and had undetected bipolar and mom had been given 4 months to live. Jennifer lasted only a short while. I needed her to come home, away from the daily pain she saw as she knew she was loosing both her grandparents.
That day came with a phone call. It was her on the other end of the phone and said she would meet me for coffee at the Tim Horton's in Ottawa. For sure I was there not thinking anything of what was about to hit. She arrived with a man he was 25 years old and she had met him on the internet and he was there to pick her up and take her home to live with him. She wanted me to meet him and see me before she left.
I sat across the table from this man who is a stranger from the internet and realized something he had a Southern accent. The words "before she left" impaled my heart. She was going somewhere but where? Our meeting was cut short when I asked this man of 25 years old what 3 months would make a difference. I wasn't condoning however I was grabbing at straws, if she was left for 3 months perhaps I could convince her otherwise. Insulted they both got up from the table and walked out. I watched my little girl walk toward a strangers car and get into it. He had come to pick her up and take her home to North Carolina, a 15 hour drive by car and I didn't even know the address. This was 11 years ago. I can't express the pain I'm feeling right now, the tears, the failure, the growing without her and my grandchildren.
You mentioned, "I believe in being positive. I want to be an encourager. I try always to put things in my blog post that lift up a person's spirits. I love to share thought-provoking quotes and scriptures.
I rarely, if ever, share negative stuff. However, if blogging truly means sharing life with a community, then sometimes I need to share the bad. The messy stuff of life is something we all, at some point, have to face." I knew how it felt but I can't even begin to express it in words. Pray, what for her safety. I couldn't find comfort in church it was superficial, no one there knew what went on, how could they help anyway? You see a church is like a blog, only the good stuff. God could only help with the healing the rest I had to survive.
The past 10 years Jennifer has been a prisoner of an older man. She didn't finish grade 12. She never had a driver's licence. She couldn't work as she didn't have a Green Card. This also meant she couldn't leave the country for fear she couldn't get back in. My mother died and she purchased a ticket to fly home for her funeral and I had to tell her "stay put, we live for the living not the dead." Jennifer wanted to come home for the funeral and I kept her away. For if she did return home without a green card she wound't be allowed back into the USA and she had 3 young children when mom passed away. Four yellow roses I placed in moms hands one for Jennifer and one each for the girls.
Find peace in whatever you do.

Susanne said...

My heart goes out to your Mother's heart, Jerralea! Sometimes our chilren's choices are heartbreaking for us. Praying that God lifts you up and gives you wisdom.