Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy

 

Which is worse - fear or regrets?

Most fears never happen. Most regrets could have been avoided.

It's been years since Granny's last words to me. 

With a worried look, she sighed, "I'm just afraid this is the last time I'll ever see you! What if I don't come back from this trip to Florida?"

I hope I didn't roll my eyes, but if I didn't on the outside, I certainly did on the inside. I'm sure it showed when I said, "Granny! Of course, you'll see me again. Where's your faith? If not here, you'll see me again in Heaven."

All these years later, I wish I had taken extra time to love on her and reassure her gently instead of so impatiently.

I'd had a lifetime of hearing what all the worst-case scenarios could be. I didn’t think one of them would actually happen.

She did get sick during those months in Florida and never came home, despite the fact 99% of what she had feared during her life never happened.

100% of my regrets did happen.

I wanted her to have more faith. She probably wanted me to have more compassion.

Would I do better the next time I must tell someone good-bye?

~~~

I knelt by her chair and gave her a hug.

“I’m praying for you. I don’t want to lose my mommy,” I whispered.

She patted me on the arm and said, “I don’t want you to lose her, either.”

I left feeling great sadness, because in all the ways that matter, Alzheimer's had already stolen her from me.

Some months later, hospice said all the family should return. The end was near. And so we held a bedside vigil for a couple of days. We all told her we loved her, and how she’d done an awesome job as a mom, and shared stories about childhood memories.

She never responded. She lay like a statue, quietly gulping mouthfuls of air from time to time.

Once, I walked in on my brother, patting her arm, and saying, “It’s okay, Mom, if you want to go Home. You’ve done a good job. We will be okay if you want to go be with Jesus.”

A little while later, while my nephew and I were idly sitting by her bed trading stories about all the cars the family had had over the years, I glanced over and saw she was not breathing. She was gone.

It’s better, way better, to be able to say all the things you want to say to a person before they leave this world.

I could have done better with being at her bedside more; but with my experience with Granny tucked under my belt, I knew it was important to be there and say all the things. I believe people who are in comas hear what is said to them.

The thing is, we don’t always know when we will have our last opportunity to say what needs to be said. I pray the Holy Spirit will prompt me so I don’t leave anyone without being sure things are right between us.

All photos created in PicMonkey by Jerralea using personal, family and stock photos. Please do not copy. 

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